An analysis of “Paradise by the Dashboard Light, Part 2?

There really isn’t much wiggle room when it comes to interpreting the Meat Loaf classic rock opus, “Paradise by the Dashboard Light.” It is a cautionary tale about a seventeen-year-old boy who makes a rueful, life-altering decision in order to satisfy his virginal libido. The song, like many 70?s classic rock songs, is divided into three parts. Part one describes the beginning of the date night, as the singer is all happy-go-lucky. But in part three, the singer is regretful and miserable and prays for the end of time. The transition between these polar opposite emotions occurs in part two, where the girl (sung by Ellen Foley) issues an ultimatum, “Before we going any further… will you love me forever? … Will you make me your wife?” The boy tries to stall and dodge the question, “Let me sleep on it,” but the girl will have none of that and presses for an answer.

The real reason why the song is so beloved is the spoken word bridge at the start of part 2. It is a fictional baseball play-by-play account announced by famed New York Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto. In the background, we hear the couple engaged in some heavy foreplay. There is no mistaking that Rizzuto’s words are 100% euphemism for sex. The songwriter, Jim Steinman uses the common (in America) baseball euphemism to describe the progression of the couple’s make-out session. For his part, Rizzuto always claimed that he had no idea what his role was really about in this song until he heard the finished product.

As a metaphor, the bridge makes perfect sense. But no one has ever taken this at face value. Let’s do a thought experiment and imagine that Phil was broadcasting a real-life major league baseball game. If we do, we would conclude that the song is even more brilliant that it’s given credit for; since the baseball events are so absurd and full of so many errors by everyone involved – from the players, to the coaches and managers, that the baseball sequence is also a metaphor for the monumental errors in judgement that the boy is going to commit all for the sake of sexual pleasure. Continue reading

10 Movie Franchises Set to Hit the Big Screen in 2015

Chinese TheaterYou may not know it yet, but 2015 is poised to be an absolutely stunning year when it comes to blockbuster films. Any misgivings about the state of Hollywood creativity aside, the tentative line-up for 2015 packs a huge punch — and looking at it on paper makes you wonder whether this could become the highest-grossing year ever.

As if 2015 wasn’t already gearing up to hold an explosive amount of tent-pole franchise films, Universal Pictures (NASDAQ:CMCSA) decided to join the fray on Tuesday, as the studio announced that the fourth installment of the Jurassic Park franchise has finally been given a release date. Entitled Jurassic World, the film is set to be released on June 15, 2015 and will be produced by Steven Spielberg and directed by Colin Trevorrow (Safety Not Guaranteed).

Just take a look at two of the biggest films of 2015 – Avengers: Age of Ultron and the Man of Steel sequel. Those two films have the power to drive the entire box office to a year of success. When you see the list of films set to appear through the year, you will be astounded by what Hollywood has in store.

1. Fantastic Four – March 6, 2015

If the idea of another Fantastic Four film makes you groan, you’re not the only one. Fantastic Four and it’s sequel Fantastic Four: Rise of Silver Surfer were almost universally panned by both critics and fans — the latter of which have been continually disappointed by a mediocre-at-best adaptation of one of the most beloved Marvel comics of all time.

Luckily for everyone who wants to see the comic series created with justice, 20th Century Fox (NASDAQ:FOXA) has apparently heard the complaints and intends to respond using the Warner Bros. method — reboot. The 2015 Fantastic Four film is set to be a complete reboot of the series from the ground up. The film will be directed by Josh Trank who helmed the well-regarded and highly lucrative Chronicle (2012), which made $126 million on a $12 million budget and won over superhero fans and critics alike.

Aside from that, there’s not much other information. However, it’s safe to say the Fantastic Four property is probably going to receive a quality, more serious treatment than it has so far.

2. The Avengers: Age of Ultron – May 1, 2015

With writer and director Joss Whedon set to return for Marvel and Disney’s (NYSE:DISThe Avengers: Age of Ultron, along with the entire original cast that includes Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, and Chris Hemsworth, the sequel to 2012?s The Avengers is set to be up there with the highest grossing films of the year — if not beyond. The first film made $1.5 billion worldwide, becoming the third-highest grossing film of all time, and there’s a good chance the sequel could eclipse that number.

It’s still early, with principal photography not set to start until 2014, but we do know that the villain of the film will be Ultron, with James Spader cast to play him late last month. Whedon explained that the filmmakers intend to create their own origin story for the villain and that he felt Ultron was “the chief villain when I read the book. He’s been the Avengers villain for so long, I was amazed anyone was surprised it would be him in the movie.”

Along with Ultron, superheroes Quicksilver and Scarlett Witch are set to join the team in the sequel. Although neither roles have been officially cast yet, Elizabeth Olsen is reportedly close to taking on the role of the Scarlett Witch.

3. Jurassic World – June 12, 2015

Admittedly, the news of Jurassic World was only announced Tuesday, so information regarding the film is scant at best. With Jurassic Park III having been released over a decade ago in 2001, the news of a fourth installment has been mired by starts and stops for years. Now, if you believe Universal Pictures, it looks like a return to that world is finally coming true.

Other than the film’s title and a tentative release date of June 12, 2015, we don’t know anything about the film other than the major players involved. Unfortunately, Steven Spielberg will not be returning to the director’s chair, though he is set to produce along with Frank Marshall and Pat Crowley. Directing the film, which will be reportedly shot in 3D, is Colin Trevorrow, who directed the well-received indie flick Safety Not Guaranteed. Trevorrow also wrote the current draft of the script along with Derek Connolly.

4. Terminator 5 – June 26, 2015

When The Halcyon Company, who owned the rights to the Terminator franchise, filed for bankruptcy in 2009, they set off a bidding war that was ultimately won by Megan Ellison and her production company Annapurna as well as her brother David Ellison and his production company Skydance. While rumors of what Megan and David Ellison would do with the rights have been inconsistent over the last several years, it now appears that the franchise is gearing up for a reboot set to be made by Annapurna, Skydance, and Paramount Pictures (NASDAQ:VIA).

Story details haven’t emerged yet, but given the film’s status as a reboot, it’s safe to say the story will likely bear resemblance to the early episodes of the Terminator franchise. With a script penned by Laeta Kalogridis and Patrick Lussier, The Hollywood Reporter revealed last week that director Alan Taylor (Thor: The Dark World, Game of Thrones) is in negotiations to direct the film. Along with Taylor, both Dennis Villeneuve and Rian Johnson were reportedly targeted by the film’s producers — the latter of which was a bit of a long-shot given that he normally only directs material he has written.

The question on everyone’s mind is will Arnold Schwarzenegger be involved? Early rumors said yes, but the project seems to still be in the process of settling, thus it’s a little unclear if the reboot involves a complete revamp of the franchise altogether — sans Schwarzenegger.

5. Independence Day 2 – July 3, 2015

Believe it or not, 20th Century Fox’s Independence Day 2 is moving forward with the film’s original helmer, Roland Emmerich, in the director’s chair. Actors Jeff Goldblum and Bill Pullman are already set to reprise their roles from the original film and now it looks like Will Smith, who had originally been thought to be too expensive and famous to return to the series, might also be on board. While Smith’s potentially late arrival to the film might push the release to 2016 according to Emmerich, fans of the original are more than likely to give him the time. Surprisingly, Emmerich has already dropped a lot of hints about the film’s story, which is obviously subject to change given how early in the process it is.

In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, he told the publication that, “The humans knew that one day the aliens would come back. And they know that the only way you can really travel in space is through wormholes. So for the aliens, it could take two or three weeks, but for us that’s 20 or 25 years.” He also explained that, “It’s a changed world. It’s like parallel history. [Humans] have harnessed all this alien technology. We don’t know how to duplicate it because it’s organically-grown technology, but we know how to take an antigravity device and put it in a human airplane.”

Of course, leave it to Pullman to reiterate that, as close as the film appears to be, not to get too excited yet. “Nobody’s holding their breath because [the sequels have] been continually plagued,” he said. But given that the potential follow-up sounds fairly interesting, especially the idea of an alternate history, it would be great to dive back into the world we remember from the late 90s.

6. Batman & Superman (Man of Steel sequel) – July 17, 2015

With all the news that’s been going around about the Man of Steel sequel, it’s hard to believe that the film was only announced this past July by Man of Steel director Zack Snyder at the San Diego Comic-Con. Since that time, a seemingly endless stream of industry rattling news has come out. Ben Affleck has been cast as Batman to the disappointment of many fans; Bryan Cranston was rumored to be cast Lex Luthor, though no new information has come about since; and Warner Bros. (NYSE:TWX) is set to to film the Man of Steel sequel in Detroit and other areas of Michigan due to tax incentives.

It’s too early to say anything about the story and screenplay, which is being written by David S. Goyer with a story by both Goyer and Snyder, but it’s safe to assume that the film will likely involve aspects of Superman and Batman both working together and against each other given the storied history of the two characters in DC Comics. As far as the main actors from the first film, Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Diane Lane, and Laurence Fishburne are all confirmed to return.

With a potential Justice League set to release in 2017, Warner Bros. and fans are likely hoping for this film to be the one that finally gets DC Comics characters onto the big screen where Marvel has unequivocally dominated in recent years.

7. James Bond 24 – November 6, 2015

Unadjusted for inflation, Sony Pictures’ (NYSE:SNESkyfall is the most successful James Bond film ever made, sitting at $1.1 billion worldwide. While the film received great business in the U.S. to the tune of $304 million, Skyfall is the highest-grossing film of all time at the British box office with 103 million euros. Given that director Sam Mendes had originally opted out of directing the next Bond film, his decision to come back for another back in July was met with celebration.

Due to Mendes’ surprise reversal, it now seems likely we’ll see the next Bond film in 2015 barring any setbacks. The Guardian reported in late 2012 that Mendes and his team of screenwriters had already formulated the plot to Skyfall’s sequel, regardless of whether Mendes returned or not, so it would appear that the Bond engine is firing on all cylinders.

8. Finding Dory – November 25, 2015

This highly-anticipated sequel to 2003?s Finding Nemo is set to be released just in time for the 2015 holiday season, led by the original film’s director Andrew Stanton (Finding Nemo, WALL-E, John Carter). Ellen DeGeneres and Albert Brooks are confirmed to return to voice Dory and Marlin, respectively, along with Diane Keaton and Eugene Levy coming aboard to voice new characters.

While no story details have been released about the film, according to an article from The Guardian back in August, Disney decided to undertake some rewrites after viewing the critically acclaimed, Sundance documentary Blackfish, which reveals details regarding the policy of keeping killer whales in captivity at SeaWorld parks that have allegedly killed three people. The script of Finding Dory, which apparently involves a marine park for a majority of the film, is currently being tinkered with in order to reflect the newfound sensitivity towards the issue of marine parks — though Disney insists the changes are only minor.

9. Star Wars: Episode VII – TBA, 2015

Star Wars: Episode VII is an ocean of rumors at the moment, and it wouldn’t be at all surprising if the film was pushed back to 2016 despite Disney’s insistence on releasing it in 2015. What we do know about the movie is that J.J. Abrams is officially directing; the script was written by Michael Arndt; and a post-production facility, including green rooms, sound studios, and other features, recently sprung up in Los Angeles to satisfy Abrams’ desire to stay in Los Angeles with his wife and kids (Star Wars: Episode VII is shooting in the U.K.).

Aside from that, we don’t really know much. Rumors are swirling that Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford could be featured in the film. A casting call also recently popped up with numerous available roles. There isn’t really much to offer there, but it appears likewe should be getting some solid information on this film over the next several months.

10. Mission Impossible 5 – TBA, 2015

Chalk this one up as another film that might not make it in time for 2015, but of the other 2015 to-be-announced films (like Ridley Scott’s Prometheus 2), Mission Impossible 5 appears closest to the filming stage. Recently, Christopher McQuarrie (Jack Reacher) was attached to direct and while he doesn’t have a whole lot under his belt as a director, he was responsible for the screenplay for The Usual Suspects and Tom Cruise’s upcoming thriller entitled Edge of Tomorrow.

McQuarrie will be the fifth director in the franchise’s five movies and Cruise explains that it’s by design. “I began producing the films with the goal that a different director with his own vision would make each one. Chris is an extraordinary filmmaker who will deliver the heart-pounding action and thrills that audiences around the world have come to expect from the Mission: Impossible franchise,” he says.

Now that a director with considerable writing credentials under his belt is attached to the fifth Mission Impossible, it appears as though the film should see smooth sailing until it’s released in 2015 — or at the worst, 2016.

Like us on Facebook to get the latest from Wall St. Cheat Sheet in your News Feed.

 

 

Shia LaBeouf Announces His Retirement

shia-labeouf-announces-his-retirement.jpg

Shia LaBeouf has had a rough couple of weeks recently. He released a short film that turned out to be plagiarized from the work of Daniel Clowes. LaBeouf apologized, but then it turned out that apology was also plagiarized and that lead to a sky written apology. Then there were a bunch of arguments about the creative process as a whole. This has all led to LaBeouf announcing his retirement on Twitter, saying,

In light of the recent attacks against my artistic integrity, I am retiring from all public life.

My love goes out to those who have supported me.

#stopcreating

I imagine he’ll be back at some point, but wouldn’t it be something if he actually did just kind of disappear. We always hear actors and directors say they are going to retire only to never really retire. Some people think this whole thing is a performance act, but only time will tell. It seems like there are a lot of people out there that wouldn’t mind seeing LaBeouf retire forever.

50 Best Movies of 2013 According to IMDB

50-best-movies-of-2013-according-to-imdb-users.jpg

The end of the year is here and lots of people are discussing their favorite movies of 2013. I recently finalized my own Top 10 list which I will post soon. In the meantime IMDB has posted the top rated 50 films of 2013 according to over 10,000 of their users. Some of these I’ve never even heard of before, but that will give me even more movies to watch in my spare time.

1. Waar (seen above)  9.1/10
2. The Wolf of Wall Street  8.8/10
3. 12 Years a Slave  8.7/10
4. Bhaag Milkha Bhaag  8.4/10
5. Gravity  8.4/10
6. Rush  8.3/10
7. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug  8.3/10
8. American Hustle  8.2/10
9. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire  8.1/10
10. Blue Is the Warmest Color  8.1/10
11. Before Midnight  8.1/10
12. Frozen  8.1/10
13. Prisoners  8.1/10
14. Captain Phillips  8.1/10
15. The Past  8.1/10
16. Star Trek Into Darkness  7.9/10
17. The Best Offer  7.8/10
18. About Time  7.8/10
19. Special 26  7.8/10
20. Blue Jasmine  7.7/10
21. Raanjhanaa  7.7/10
22. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty  7.6/10
23. Fruitvale Station  7.6/10
24. Thor: The Dark World  7.6/10
25. The Conjuring  7.6/10
26. Despicable Me 2  7.6/10
27. The Spectacular Now  7.5/10
28. 42  7.5/10
29. Monsters University  7.4/10
30. The Way Way Back  7.4/10
31. Man of Steel  7.4/10
32. Iron Man 3  7.4/10
33. The Great Gatsby  7.3/10
34. The Croods  7.3/10
35. Now You See Me  7.3/10
36. Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues  7.2/10
37. The Kings of Summer  7.2/10
38. Fast & Furious 6  7.2/10
39. Ender’s Game  7.2/10
40. Pacific Rim  7.1/10
41. Side Effects  7.1/10
42. The World’s End  7.1/10
43. Escape Plan  7.1/10
44. Aashiqui 2  7.1/10
45. We’re the Millers  7.1/10
46. World War Z  7.1/10
47. Oblivion  7.0/10
48. Trance  7.0/10
49. Warm Bodies  6.9/10
50. Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa  6.9/10

Celebrate Star Wars’ Life Day by remembering those who died

It’s Life Day once again! For those who don’t know, November 17, 1978 was the one and only airing of the (infamous) “The Star Wars Holiday Special.” Now that Star Wars is owned by Disney, a remake with a real script, real budget and real production values might be possible, but I highly doubt it.

To commemorate Life Day this year, I present to you this video. The song is in the style of Jim Carroll’s, “People Who Died.” I wouldn’t call this a parody, per se, but more of an homage. It’s a great recap of Episodes I – III. And I just love the ending – Padmé died, but Jar-Jar’s alive? WHY?! Pure genius!

As always, enjoy!

Funny BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN Comedy Sketch by Pete Holmes

Comedian Pete Holmes is back with another awesome Batman comedy sketch. This one features Superman proposing a team-up with Batman, and Batman just doesn’t see the point of it because… well, it’s Superman. What does Superman need Batman for? If you liked Holmes’ other Batman sketches, then you’ll enjoy this one as well.

Marvel Is Prepping Four New Series!

marvel-is-prepping-four-new-series.jpg

It looks like we’re going to be getting some more Marvel goodness in the form of four new series that the company has been developing. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. has been blowing up on ABC, and apparently they are ready to expand the TV universe.

According to Deadline, “Marvel is quietly putting together a package of four drama series and a miniseries — a total of some 60 episodes — that would be taken out to the VOD and cable space, with Netflix, Amazon and WGN America rumored as potential candidates. Feelers had been send out, and I hear there’s already interest from digital platforms and traditional cable networks in the package, which I hear is in very early stages with very little talent attached.”

There’s no word on what these series will feature, but it was recently reported that an Agent Carter series was being developed. There’s a chance it could be part of the package, but there’s no confirmation of what is happening with that. I’m personally a little sad that the Incredible Hulk series has been put on the back burner. Hopefully one day they actually move forward with it because that could be a huge hit.

I’m excited to see what these four new series end up being! What Marvel properties would you like to see on the small screen?

ANT-MAN – Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Paul Rudd up for Title Role

All of us Marvel fans have been patiently waiting to see who director Edgar Wright would cast in the lead role of his Ant-Man movie, and two names have emerged! According to Variety, the role could go to either Joseph Gordon Levitt or Paul Rudd! Both are great actors, but if I had to choose one I would have to go with Paul Rudd, because I think he would be awesome at Ant-Man! Gordon-Levitt would be a good choice too, but I’m actually more excited about the possibility of him playing Doctor Strange, which was previously rumored.

Wright is currently in pre-production on the film doing some test shoots, and he’s even tweeted a behind the scenes photo. They are looking to get the film out in theaters on July 31st, 2015.

The site goes on to say that “sources indicate the two are expected to meet with Marvel execs and Wright one more time before a decision is made and that there’s also a possibility of another actor entering the mix.”

Who would you like to see getting the part of Ant-Man!?

final epsiodes of star wars clone wars to air in 2014

star-wars-the-clone-wars-final-episodes-coming-2014.jpg

I’ve got some awesome news for all you Star Wars: The Clone Wars fans out there! Director and producer Dave Filoni has announced that the final episodes of the series will air in early 2014! Here’s what he posted on his Facebook page,

Star Wars fans – I have some exciting news! We have wrapped production on all of the remaining Star Wars: The Clone Wars episodes, and while that might be sad news in one way, it’s good news in another. It means you will finally get to see them. When, exactly, is a detail I cannot yet share. I can confirm that in early 2014 you will be watching the final episodes of The Clone Wars, including one of Master Yoda’s most challenging missions. So, get ready. We’ve got Clone Wars and Rebels coming at you in 2014. Animated Star Wars is alive and well. Trust in the Force my friends.”

There’s no word on whether the episodes will air on Cartoon Network or Disney XD, but at least we know they are coming. The series will be replaced by Disney and Lucasfilm’s Star Wars: Rebels, and I’m excited to see what that new series delivers!

The series is set between the events of Episode III and IV — an era spanning almost two decades never-before explored on-screen. It takes place in a time where the Empire is securing its grip on the galaxy and hunting down the last of the Jedi Knights as a fledgling rebellion against the Empire is taking shape.

That series is set to premiere in the fall of 2014.